Improving

     “Wouldn’t it be convenient if everything that I wanted to be good at was something I was already proficient in?” This was what I asked myself after I had thrown my pen across my dorm out of frustration. The cause: I was attempting to write a long personal essay for my Creative Nonfiction class. I often launch items far distances in my room, mainly because I always try to engage in some sort of creative pursuit. After failing at whatever artistic task I designated for that day (and also after I express my anger on inanimate objects), I find myself utterly disappointed in my lack of "talent". I want to be great, exceptional, or at the very least half-way decent. This depressing feeling is always amplified whenever I compare myself to my creative exemplars' works, which include: the powerful production tracks from a Tyler, the Creator album; the subtleties of cinema language in every scene of a Martin Scorsese movie; the carefully constructed sentences of a Fitzgerald novel; even the pin-precision hand movements of magician David Blaine. I always open my mouth in amazement as if I was observing aliens displaying a piece of technology unbeknownst to man. I attribute their talents as destiny. They were gifted with God’s graces, allowing their progress to flow at an exponential rate while I struggle much more than I was allowed to be.

    I sat back in my creaky wooden chair, contemplating what I was already good at. That way, I could be on the path that I always meant to be on. I know I wasn’t always good at making music, nor was I good at writing scripts. I’m terrible at drawing and I couldn’t shoot a hoop to save my life. I struggle over the complex grammar structures of both Japanese and Spanish (the latter being more embarrassing when considering my birth country of Honduras). The list soon began to dwindle as I went through every art form, every sports game, every craft, and every hobby. I was devoided of any talents that required an ounce of creativity or skill. Maybe I could go with something that you didn’t have to come up with ideas for. I always was good at walking. I can walk perfectly. Well, I do walk quite slow. I’m still decent at walking though, but it wasn’t something I was always good at. I had to crawl first and even that took months to achieve. I'm that great at talking neither. I stumble, misuse, and forget various words and sentences. Even in my younger years, I babbled and used “-ed” instead of the proper conjugation. I couldn’t even tell the difference between a sheep and a dog, so I wasn’t actually always great at thinking. No baby is great anything. Well, other than improving on things. Babies always manage to get a little better every day at something. I was reminded of that when my two-year-old sister discovered how to avoid dripping apple sauce from her mouth whenever she got spoon-fed. She used to be extremely messy at eating for most of her two-year life, dropping bits of food onto the floor or spitting them out when she was unsure about the taste. Now, she’s basically an expert, gifted at consuming! Yet, soon she will find more things she needs to improve on. I mean, she can’t even write a single letter. She’s going to have to type paragraphs for her essays eventually. That will get easier for her. She’ll improve slowly over time as she has done with other skills because getting better at things is natural. For now, I will pick up my pen from the floor and continue on with my work.

Think Like the People of the Future

    I recently read an article from Henry David Thoreau titled "Slavery in Massachusetts". The entire passage merely explains Thoreau’s views on slavery and how individuals should be worried about the contradiction it presents to the Constitution. My first reaction to his statements, and various other ones in his book "Walden", is the progressive nature of his beliefs. Most of us are taught that people were unaware of how evil enslaving others was. It was a stain on our nation’s history, but now we know better. The collective mind of Americans finally learned that purchasing people as if they were cattle was probably not the most ethical of practices we could have done. However, the past is the past. Correct? then why is Thoreau’s thinking less of the “past” and more of the “present”? How could an individual, who spent the majority of his life within a country that legalized the law of slavery have such modern beliefs? Perhaps, it is the location that he resided in. Massachusetts did abolish slavery in 1783, and Thoreau’s lifespan stretched from 1817 to 1862. However, how did the people of Massachusetts in the 1700s come to realize the atrocities of slavery? Was it from the lack of slaves that they needed compared to the south? Not at all. Being the first colony in America, the state was actually the center of the slave trade. If it wasn’t the absence of slavery or the absence of the need for slavery, then how did the former capital of the practice come to abolish it by the end of the 18th century?

    It seems as though its residents, such as those like Thoreau, realized the dehumanizing nature of enslavement. Through consideration of their fellow man, they understood that all of America needed to be free in order to be just. If people of the past can emulate the people of the present in terms of morals, then how should we as modern humans relate ourselves to the people of the future? It seems as though we cannot forgive our prejudices behind the veil of ignorance no longer.

    With this in mind, I have been re-evaluating my stance on one of my favorite comedy series: "Arrested Development". Created and written by Mitchell Hurwitz, the ensemble comedy guides us through the lives of the dysfunctional Bluth family. Never seeming to get out of their terrible situations, the family attempts to stick together, even though the combination of them all seems to just bring out the worst in each of the Bluths. Although it is my fourth time watching the first three seasons again, I still seem to laugh at the same cues that were constructed by the cast and crew. However, I found myself feeling uncomfortable at some of the jokes that were a bit, let’s say, offensive. Should I excuse the virulent racist Lucille or the sexual offender G.O.B. as just being a product of its time? It would be easier if the show did not try to signal me to sympathize with the characters with sad music after one of them suffered embarrassment. Yet, Mitchell Hurwitz was the one who wrote these characters, perhaps, it is he who is a product of his time. However, if Thoreau can be modern in his thinking then so can Hurwitz be in his writing. At what standard can we hold people accountable for their prejudices before we can forgive them and attribute their views as being blissfully ignorant? How should I, the viewer who use to laugh at each and every one of these "past-its-prime" jokes, see myself?

    It seems as though understanding our prejudices and how much we can forgive ourselves for them is still unclear. Would Thoreau, who advocated for the abolishment of slavery, be seen marching during the Civil Rights movement? Most definitely. Just as those who raise the Nazi flag today would have been Nazis themselves in 1930s Germany, we of the 21st century can no longer excuse our modern thinking by merely stating that it is simply a product of the time. For that reason alone, I will not completely unburden myself as someone who was born in a different generation to excuse my prejudices. Moving forward, I will try to peer over the wall and adopt the morals of the people of the future because I now know that my current views do not and should not just be a reflection of my time period.

Morning Relaxation

Breathe in the morning rain

before the scorching sun shines on it

and shrivels it all away.

Once those trails re-open

and the tracks on the mud return, your

rest has ended for the day

Seasons

Seasons constantly change the waters.
Whether in the winter when the lakes freeze and
are layered with white snow,
or in the Spring when instead they are filled with fishes
finding their way back home.
However, the only constant within the seasons is Change itself.

A Short Post on Introductions

    I'm sure at one point everyone has faced the dreaded icebreaker, where you have to introduce. yourself with basically the bare minimum to your personality. Generally speaking, many of the questions you will be asked will be answered with either your name, hobby or place you are from. These three aspects of your identity determine how people need to distinguish you. Perhaps, you may be "Guitarist George from Georgia" or "Basketball Player Bobby from Boston." In theory, the answers are meant to diverse, filled with people so different from each other that everyone might as well be the protagonist of a "hero's journey" adventure. Unfortunately, human beings are not too unique, at least when it comes to their names, hobbies, and place they are from. I can name twenty “James”, a couple of them play video games as a hobby, and two of them are from North Carolina. Clearly “ice-breakers” are not a good form of introducing people to others. 

    Yet, I find no other alternative as of today. For now, I will merely conform to the standards of today’s introductions. 

Sincerely, 

Writer Ruben from Raleigh